Day Sixteen: Thanksgiving

THANK GOD FOR THE LONG WEEKEND!

It's been 3 teaching days and only half-days for the kids, but I am absolutely knackered. This week, I got to sleep in until 8.30am. It was absolutely heaven. Yes, it was. Tomorrow, my roommate, Megan and I will check-in to a beach resort for 2 days to enjoy little luxries like internet, hot showers and warm breakfasts. 2 days of relaxation for $24 sounds not too bad. 

But before looking forward, let's recap the past week. Hmm.. where do I start? There's so much. I guess there's really no better place to start than thanksgiving. (Oh yea, it's Thanksgiving weekend in Canada!) Happy Thanksgiving!

Oh for one, I thank God that He brought me through the week. For His mercies and His grace over my life - for being my sustenance and strength when my tank is just empty. Empty. The 6am - 5pm days drain me. And for an introvert, having to talk for hours in the day takes away all of my strength. On top of that, there's cooking, cleaning and not a lot of time for resting with Jesus. But He has brought me through.

I thank God for teaching me how to teach. During the day, I stop in amazement that I'm actually doing this. Often, I feel like a fish out of water with teaching. And then there are moments when it feels like I've been doing this forever and I'm blown away by the God-given ideas that just come. 

Thank You, Lord, for allowing me to be Your hands and feet. Most of my kids are from traditionally Buddhist families. But for an hour a day, they get to listen stories about God. About a God who loves and who desires to have a relationship with them. I taught them the class memory verse for the semester, Philippians 4:13. And even though my days have been hectic and I rush out of the house wishing I had more time for quiet time with God, I get to remind myself over and over again (repetition helps learning) that I can do everything through God alone who gives me strength. Simple yet deep truth that I am nothing but He is everything and that is my treasure and prize.

Thank You, God, for answering prayers. Before I left, I prayed Micah 6:8 and that I would love the children. Thank You for helping me love the children with Your love. Sometimes, I look at the kids in their mixture of innocence and grime and I just don't know where this love I feel for them comes from. When Sarick looks up at me sheepishly with his mouth half open, or when I joke about Marcus yawning during class and he smiles shyly at me, my heart just melts. 

Thank you, Lord, for small precious moments when I get encouraged by people back home. Thank You, for giving my parents peace about me coming here. Thank You for their emails that touch my heart. Thank You for little posts on my Facebook wall that are such gems. Songs that uplift me and silly chatter on MSN with friends. Thank You that sometimes (like today) the internet works!

Lord, I lift up my kids: Chan Leaph, Nita, Reesa, Chivorn, Yeougin, Stef, Sarick, Isak, Srey Som, Sodavith, Seyhar, Chanreasay, Sothy, Meng Heang and Ravy. Teach them Your ways and teach them English, Maths, Science and Khmer. They may be six right now, Lord, but use these kids to change this nation. Lord, teach them to walk with integrity and honesty. And to live counter-culturally to stand up against corruption, status quo, poverty in the provinces and the sex trade. Lord, raise up this generation to make a difference in this country and the world. And may that change start in their lives and in their families.  

Day Thirteen: First Day of Class!

Oh Lord! Help me! First day of class. I have 13 boys and 2 girls. A crazy handful. And 4 more kids on their way. Oh God, I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M DOING. People get degrees in teaching and I have nada training, nada experience and nada principal to tell me what to do! We just had a half day of teaching today because it was more of an orientation. But even by 11.30am lunch break, I was absolutely knackered. I can’t imagine a normal week 6am – 6pm Monday to Friday and Saturday mornings. It’s 6pm now and I should be doing lesson plans and preparing for devotions for the kids tomorrow but I am BEAT.

Things on my to-do list for tonight:

1. Plan lesson for Grade 2 English

2. Plan lesson for Grade 2 Morals/Health

3. Prepare a Bible Story for Devotions

4. Cook and Eat

5. Pray for the kids

6. Take a shower

7. Contemplate life

8. Spend time with Jesus

All of this by 10pm so I can be up by 6am. I need Jesus.

Something else I’ve been contemplating is what it really means to live out Jesus in the classroom. It’s the toughest thing of my life. Kids see right through you. And in a country where cheating, bribing and slacking off in the classroom is the norm, what does it mean to discipline and train kids with such a hard hand. Where does grace stand in? How do I teach my kids that it’s not by works but by grace? But how do I also teach them to do their best, try their hardest and work hard to improve? How do I reward them on more than just their academic achievement and rigorous school standard?

And you know what the funny thing is, some of the Khmer teachers and officer with the best work ethic are Buddhist, not Christian. They live very moral lives. Morality as a set of rules makes sense. As a flight of stairs leading to a perfect standard. The trouble comes when you throw GRACE into the picture. When you realize in humility that you cannot reach that perfect standard. When you realize in humiliation that only God can and that He is able to work that perfect standard in me undeservingly. So where then do works fall in? What does it really mean to be a Christian?

At times like these, the line between being a Christian saved by the grace of God and just being a moral person seems blurred. How do I teach morality that comes only from God and not just morality out of human effort to a bunch of Khmer-speaking 6 year-olds?

Day Eleven: Sleepy Saturday

There was work in the morning but the rest of the day was all mine! Finally! Delicious! And God is so good. After a long lonely week, God provided such small, simple pleasures like a drizzling of milk chocolate and caramel on nuts that bring it from alright to super duper.

Things I enjoyed very much:

- Sitting at the end of the corridor praising Jesus, with a breath-taking panorama of the town overlooking the sea, feeling the melancholic breeze carry the sound of my singing with it on its adventures.

- Answered prayers – English church service hasn’t started on campus yet so I’m churchless until then. I was worried about having to email the missionaries here to ask them about churches, worrying about bad internet connection and worrying about them responding before Sunday. But as I sat in the corridor, my neighbour, Grace, popped out to hang her laundry and got me hooked up with a church her husband and her visited last week! She’s such a sweet Korean lady with a heart for God. Thank You, Jesus.

- Watching the village kids have such fun in a barefoot game of soccer.

- Seeing kites dance in the clear, cloudless sky.

- Seeing 3 cows chase each other around a tree – almost looked like they were having a dance party. I wished I could have frolicked with them. They looked like the happiest cows ever.

- Going to the night market with fun rides and a bouncy castle and seeing a crazy woman dance in the middle of the square. Then seeing some kids try to pull her moves and throwing my head back in laughter at them. And just enjoying the moment of absolute inhibition and joy with the fairy lights and balloon animals dancing in the night sky. I haven't laughed in a while.

This is a strange town. Sometimes it makes me laugh. Sometimes it makes me cry. But it always captures my heart.

Day Ten: Days Like These

There are moments when I walk down the hill of my school in Sihanoukville and kids run up to me and say “hello” and wave when I feel a rush of peace. Or when lightning strikes streak across the night sky silently yet powerfully, like the pulse of God’s heartbeat. Or at 6am when the sun is almost high in the sky and I get to eat breakfast with a vision of bright blue sky meeting the dark ocean crest from my room window. Nothing beats moments like these.

But then there are also days like these. Days where you miss simple things like a couch. Or drawers. Or a regular paycheque. Or church – in English. Or hugs. Days where these little things just take a toll. When you’ve been waiting for your family to contact you and they haven’t. Days where the internet just refuses to work and even if it did you wonder if you should bother checking your email. Only junk mail anyways. Days where you realize it’s been weeks since I had a good, gooood, deep conversation (not about the weather, the bugs or SCHOOL). Days where you stare into space and you wonder if anyone, ANYONE, knows where in the world you are. Days where you feel like a fool missing people, probably more than they miss you. Days where you stop, think and realize you have nothing left to give. Does anyone care? Days where you just lay your head down on the table and the sobs rise up to your throat and tears come but you can’t let it out because you’re roommate’s right beside you. Days where you come before God and have absolutely nothing to say and nothing to offer.

Today is a day like this.

Today is also a day where God’s love is all I have. Today is a day I realized that I am here simply because God loves me. Because God cares! He loves sooo much that He would bring me here to show me His heart. He cares so much for Cambodia that He would bring me here. He cares so much for me that He would provide for my every need in Cambodia. And He definitely loves me so much that He would still use my weakness and unworthiness to bring Him glory.

Before I left, Aban taught me something precious. To live life with your hands unclenched and wide open, where nothing is mine. I am still learning this. In a country with so much need, nothing is mine. But today I also learnt that an open hand is also one that receives willingly, gratefully and abundantly. 

Oh Lord, help me to let go of my pride and control. Let me receive of Your love freely and fully. Because I have nothing and no one left but You. 

p.s. God truly provides. Prayed for dodgy internet to work and it worked! Praise God!

10 Things I Hate About Cambodia

10. The chaos

9. Not having a brush to scrub the bathroom floor

8. THE BUGS!

7. Not knowing the language

6. The creepy Asian men

5. The old white men at the bars with young local women

4. The dodgy internet – takes me an hour to connect sometimes!

3. I miss being connected to the world

2. I miss my family

1. And what I hate most about Cambodia is that I don’t hate it, not even a little. Least of all, the people. I can see myself living here and loving the people. And it scares me. Because it means a huge challenge and a long lonely road ahead (especially with dodgy internet and mail).

Day Six: Silver Lining

Today’s been great! For one, no rain. But more importantly, a fruitful day at work and a fruitful lunch break. I’m starting to get the hang of things and figure out what is required of me. I will be teaching Grade 1 English, Maths, Health/Morals, Grade 2 English, Health/Morals, Art/Technology, Physical Education. I have a Khmer teacher who is my partner and is the only teacher who is not a Christian. I enjoy doing lesson plans in my ‘office’ with Brooke Fraser playing in the background and the beach close by.

Things accomplished:

1. Labelled all the important objects in my classroom

2. Made a ‘Birthday Tree’ for the kids to put their ‘Birthday Fruits’ on (I happen to think this a brilliant idea so don’t judge)

3. Made a course outline for the first time!

4. Went to Happy Burger for lunch

5. Got groceries so I can finally live on something other than cereal and instant noodles! I’m not taking the meal plan because it’s KOREAN FOOD EVERYDAY. I don’t think I can take that.

6. Made dumpling soup with carrots and cabbage

7. Wrote this blog. Tediousness.

Things NOT accomplished:

1. Enough quality time with Jesus.

Better get on that one now.

Day Five: FIRST DAY OF WORK

Today has been utter chaos! We have no principal, no Grade 2 teacher and no idea what to do! Apparently we’re supposed to clean and arrange our classrooms and start planning lessons and the year. But first, some major roadblocks: the calendar is not out yet, the daily schedule is not out yet, my textbooks are not out yet, and then, there’s the FLOOD.

So it’s the rainy season here. The university is up on a hill. But the International School is at the bottom of the hill. And the way from university to school is about 250 meters of unpaved, loose top soil. Rain comes from top of the hill and by the time it reaches us, it’s now thick, muddy slush which fills the drains and part of the first floor. After getting drenched in the rain coming back from lunch, I was greeted by the sight of the other teachers using dustpans as scoops to scoop and smash out of the corridors. It took us a good hour to clear the school and then dig out the soil that filled up the drain. But these are reasons why the flood was a good thing:

1. It got the teachers together, both Khmer and foreign teachers.

2. Even though I’m stuck in some small school, in some small town without a clue what I’m supposed to do or how to teach, me being here feels somewhat significant. 50 kids out there depend on 10 of us teachers for a clean school and decent education. And perhaps 12 kids out there need a Grade 1 teacher and there’s no one else. Inch deep in mud and stinking of sweat and rainwater, I felt important.

3. Who doesn’t like an excuse to play in the rain? Hehehe…

After work, I got to snuggle up to my bible, my journal and a good book. Ahhh… Quiet times are so much better after a long days work and nice shower.

In Him was life and that life was the light of men.

John 1:4

He must become greater; I must become less.

John 3:40