Wow, looking at my last blog posts, God really does answer prayers. One thing that I have been pondering upon has been the concept of freedom. A verse that I have been reciting over and over again in my heart has been John 8: 34 – 36.
Jesus replied,” I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
I didn’t get it. I still don’t fully get it. But I so desired this freedom that the Bible talks about. Not just a temporary outlet or break from reality but true freedom from my stress, my hurts, and the weight of the world which I bear on my shoulders sometimes. I did not have that. Every night I sleep, I think about my kids and the responsibility of their education and future, and the great needs of Cambodia weighed heavily on my mind. And every morning as I wake up at the crack of dawn, my body remained weary and my soul exhausted. I was a slave. I could not run away from the pressure, the stress of work and the many lives that seemed thrust into my care. And I got more frustrated in my personal life as I drifted farther and farther away from people I loved and used to share my life with back home. Trapped in this cycle of stress, loneliness and exhaustion. This was not freedom.
But as weary miner trying to dig his way out of the dirt and darkness, Light found me and pulled me into His loving arms. I have seen but a glimpse of this Light and it is the most brilliant concept, object, reality I will ever live for. As I sat, soaked and pondered, Jesus spoke. So simple. So true. It seems silly when I write it down but so profound in what it means to me.
This is what I have been learning on freedom:
1. Freedom is not a feeling that comes. Not a decision I make. Not something I can knock into my head by repeating it or pretending it. It is in seeing the Gospel of Jesus, intellectually and experientially having that truth deposited into my soul by the grace of the Holy Spirit. Ball’s in His court. I helplessly and humbly have no part in it except to respond and receive. Nothing more, nothing less. That is all. All or nothing.
The reconciliation is represented as work of God. It begins with God and is accomplished by Him. “God was in Christ reconciling the world to himself” (2 Corinthians 5:19). This emphasis on divine monergism advises us that reconciliation is a work that does not, as such, draw within its scope human action. As accomplishment it does not enlist, nor is dependent upon, the activity of men.
Reconciliation is a finished work. God is not only the sole agent but also the agent of action already perfected.
- John Murray in Redemption Accomplished and Applied
2. In my quest to give God my all or nothing, I sought to take hold of every aspect of my life and, disciplining and dealing with what held me back. But it is not about seeking everything of me that was wrong. It is about seeking the One thing of God that is important. This is freedom.
3. I do not answer to anyone but God. Not my kids, not their parents, not the other teachers. The only one I answer to and am held accountable to is God. And He already paid the price.
4. They are not my kids. They are His. Let go.
5. When I feel that I have a standard to reach, important things to get done, I don’t. I really don’t. Nothing, absolutely nothing, comes close to resting with Jesus. Even if it means pushing aside a week of lesson plans to sit and listen to that one song about God’s love.
6. And as I started to taste this freedom, I was worried that it might once again slip from my grasp but Jesus assured me with this:
But the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:26 – 27
Peace. Hmmm… Freedom and peace. This week has been no different than others. Still tired. Still no internet. Still no hot showers. Children still running amok. But there is a peace. Not a cheesy happy hippie peace but something deep stirring in the pit of my stomach that makes the sky look richer, brighter, more beautiful. Because I am reminded of His beauty. And it is brilliant.
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