Clarity

When the brilliant ethicist John Kavanaugh went to work for three months at "the house of the dying" in Calcutta, he was seeking a clear answer as to how best to spend the rest of his life. On the first morning there he met Mother Teresa. She asked,"And what can I do for you?" Kavanaugh asked her to pray for him.

"What do you want me to pray for?" she asked. He voiced the request that he had borne thousands of miles fromw the United States:"Pray that I have clarity."

She said firmly,"No, I will not do that." When he asked her why, she said, "Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and must let go of." When Kavanaugh commented that she always seemed to have the clarity he longed for, she laughed and said, "I have never had clarity, what I have always had is trust. So I will pray that you trust God."

We often presume that trust will dispel the confusion, illuminate the darkness, vanquish the uncertainty, and redeem the times. Our trust does not bring final clarity on this earth. When all else is unclear, the heart of trust says, as Jesus did on the cross, "Into Your hands I commit my spirit." (Luke 23:46)

- Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust (2000)

Today it clicked in my head at lunch - faith, trust, and what my roommate said about boys. I have never been so uncertain about my life as an ill-equipped teacher in Cambodia - in work, relationships, financial situation... But I have also never been so assured about my past, present and future.