Church

The English Service for church has been suspended in lieu of summer holidays, which means teachers and students leave the campus. So for the past few weeks, I’ve been attending Ostey Christian Assembly, which is just a 10 minute walk from our campus. For most of the year, I have not been able to experience authentic Khmer church services because we run our own. But I always relish the chance to have a taste. For some reason, I always experience a buzz of joy after their Sunday service. I could write pages of the little things I see, hear, experience and learn while attending their service that touch my heart. And the funny thing is, it’s all in Khmer! With my embarrassingly limited Khmer, I can hardly even understand a tenth of what is being said, but I can understand their intentions, see their passion and feel their spirit. And it is a joyful and trusting spirit that they have!

It is by no means a perfect church, although it is quite a blessed church. Their premises are clean and well kept, and there are quite well equipped with musical instruments and other audio-visual aids. They have a small congregation of around 50 members. But one thing that impresses me is their joy. Pastor Hong San , steps onto the small stage and behind the pulpit with a toothy smile, crinkles at the corner of his eyes and a fiery passion and unassuming posture. He knows he does not have much to give – whether in material things or knowledge – but he is so confident and bold in what he does offer. And, yes, what he does offer is truly priceless. He offers the gospel; He offers the good news that God is here to save the broken and lost. It is not something he pushes to sell nor is it something that is diluted. It is this balance of humility and confidence which teaches me through example what complete trust and assurance in God looks like.

This morning was my fifth time attending. Some people have noticed me as I sneak in the back by myself and look a little lost as they flip through passages in the bible. But while I stick out as someone new and different, I still blend in as a Khmer-looking and Khmer-speaking girl. Cambodians generally don’t tend to make as much of a fuss over me as some other outwardly foreign counterparts. So I do, on occasion, enjoy when people stare and sometimes point at me and whisper to their peers (which was what happened today when I entered). It makes me feel special. Today, when the pastor called the congregation to greet each other, the older lady sitting beside me even tapped my arm and said: God bless you! Oh, as simple as that gesture was, it made my heart tingle a little bit. I felt like I was starting to be included!

And as I walked out at the end of service with the song, Hosanna, played by the band in the background, I walked with a pep in my step and a joyful peace in my heart. Slipping and falling pathetically on the stairs on the way to church as village children snickered was but a distant memory! Gone was the sleepiness of last night from battering and deep-frying a whole kilo of chicken and staying up late to pig out and watch Batman! Instead, Joy! Peace! Love!

Art Show

Friday was our last day of classes proper at Life International School. It felt epic. But to be honest, I couldn’t quite let the feelings sink in because we had an Art Show to put up. From Grades 1 to 4, we worked hard at paper mache-ing, coloring, drawing, painting, sticking, cutting to show parents, relatives and friends what we could do when we put our creative minds to good use. The objective was an afternoon of family time and fun. The theme was: “Love One Another”, based off John 15:12.

My command is this: Love each other just as I have loved you.

John 15:12

At the Art Show, we collected money and planned to donate it to the Cambodian Children’s Painting Project (CCPP). The CCPP is an NGO founded for the alleviation of poverty amongst beach and street children through education. The children enter the program, after school and get cared for and taught how to paint. This keeps them off the streets and tourist beaches where they would normally hope to sell their wares. The CCPP operates by sell the children’s artwork at a small gallery at the beach and by financial sponsorships. Sarah, my roommate, and I got to pick out a painting yesterday. It will hang on the wall of our school’s office so that our students can see and learn that they have the power to effect change in the lives of other children with the talent, resources and blessings they have received. Just as God has loved and blessed them, so they are able to love and bless others.

In my humble opinion, the Art Show was a rousing success despite the crazy mess I will have to clean up in preparation of showcasing the art pieces and our school to their parents. Thank you, God! And if I may gloat a little: Well done, Miss Art Teacher!

Have Your Way

Britt Nicole

So I was looking for my K-pop songs (which I couldn't find) on iTunes and I chanced upon a WHOLE album of Britt Nicole. I didn't even know it was her! It just said track 01, no artist and no album name. I had to google her to figure it out! Curiouser and curiouser. I don't really even know her let alone remember getting any of her music! But anyways, I have it and I love it! It's a little bit high for me to sing along to.. got to take it an octave down. But she's lots of fun and I enjoy her soulfulness. She's a little Jessie J- esque. Check her out! She might even be better than K-pop ;)


ps. just as I was finishing the last sentence I figured it out! I ripped the CD from Laura! Haha!

Lies

When you’re "on the field". It comes to you like a thief in the night. Thoughts. Thoughts on anything about everything. And when there’s silence is when it’s the loudest. The hardest is thoughts on my worth and worthiness to people. After all, why is there silence if people love me and want to keep up with me and talk to me? The questions and aching burn against my chest. They are selfish, self-centred thoughts. But they come and they come in deafening hoards. Deafening though there’s silence.

But deep within me I know the truth. This truth is like a seed. It is small but it can blossom into a mighty and solid, unwavering oak. But the battle is fierce to kill and stifle this seed. The lies come like a torrent of arrows one after another after another. For a while, this little oak may get some breathing space before it gets attacked once again. The offense is relentless. But so is this oak of truth. Because it is planted, guarded and nurtured by God Himself. God is love.

You see, despite all my sins, my mistakes, my selfish intentions, my broken relationships and my carnal craving for attention, the truth is, I am loved by grace. I am loved. I am loved! Love Himself has set His sights on me and named me as the apple of His eye. It is unceasing. It is encompassing. I am loved by my family. Very much so. There is such assurance in that. Thankfully, I have a family that displays the closest human possibility to uncondional love. And I am loved by friends. Honestly, this is hard for me to even write. Because I don’t know this as a fact but I have to have faith. Not in them but in God who loves through them. I receive nothing out of merit but fully by grace. This is special because it means I can never lose it, since, in the first place, I never earned it.

And so in defence, I proclaim this! Lies, hear me out! I am loved. Arrows, turn around! I am redeemed. Thoughts, go back into the darkness! I am a child of God. 

Like a lily among thorns

is my darling among the young women. 

Song of Solomon 2:2

10 Things I Love About Cambodia

When I first arrived in Cambodia, I made a tongue-in-cheek list of 10 things I hated about Cambodia. It definitely is a place to get used to with all it's nuances and cultural contradictions. But, now that I am almost at the end of my stay here in this Kingdom (at least for now), all I can think of are the things I love here.

10. The monks. They're everywhere and their saffron-coloured drapings just make the streets more vibrant.

9. The sky and stars. People don't believe me at first, but I say that the sky here looks round. Of course it's round, but it actually looks like a curved, vast expanse!

8. The cows. I love how cows roam freely along the streets, on soccer fields and all around school grounds.

7. Cheap, delicious food. Sometimes, I thank God for the French and bringing good bread and desserts to this country and half the cost.

6. The culture.

5. The beach.

4. Riding a moto! Especially riding around the busy streets of Phnom Penh!

3. Dan and Renuka - www.milkandhoney.asia

2. Children. They're incredibly cute. I can see why Angelina Jolie adopted Maddox.

1. Real people. Missionaries, villagers, teachers, students, vendors, tuk-tuk drivers!

My Little Golden Flower

One thing, however, made a special impression upon her. In all that great dessert, there was not a single green thing growing, neither tree nor flower nor plant save here and there a patch of straggly grey cacti.

On the last morning she was walking near the tents and huts of the dessert dwellers, when in a lonely corner, behind a wall, she came upon a little golden-yellow flower, growing all alone. An old pipe was connected with a water tank. In the pipe was one tiny hole through which came an occasional drop of water. Where the drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower, though where the seed had come from, Much-Afraid could not imagine, for there were no birds anywhere and no other growing things.

She stopped over the lonely, lovely little golden face, lifted up so hopefully and so bravely to the feeble drip, and cried out softly, “What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before.”

The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, “Behold me! My name is Acceptance-with-Joy.”

- Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

Much-Afraid is who I was born as. The allegory, Hinds’ Feet on High Places, tells the story of a little shepherdess, Much-Afraid, who as you can guess, lived her life in fear and trepidation of people, life and to love. Her physical and emotional inadequacies set her back from experiencing the life that is truly life. She is forced to marry a vengeful and abusive relative and come under his authority for the rest of her life. So she takes the opportunity to heed the beckon of the Shepherd and embarks on a journey to the High Places. It is a perilous journey, but one that would discipline her body, heal her soul and satisfy her every emotion when she arrives at the High Places. 

It is a beautifully written story portraying our desire for human affection but showing ourselves to fall short and get trapped in a cycle of fear and hurt. The Shepherd is Jesus, who calls upon our souls to follow Him body and soul. The journey is our life of walking and trusting in magnificent promises found in the bible which seem almost too good or too ridiculous to be true. There are times of doubt, depression but also great rejoicing. And yet there is much hope and anticipation on our part as the Shepherd, Jesus, encourages and walks along side us until we finally reach our destination where all our inadequacies and fears are redeemed. However, when we do finally reach the High Places and find ultimate rest and restoration, He, the Shepherd, again sends us back to call others unto the High Places.

As I journeyed with Much-Afraid, I came upon this part where she discovers Acceptance-with-Joy. Okay, I thought to myself. Sounds simple enough. I feel rather accepting. Well, accepting enough anyway. And how do I find the joy in acceptance? They sound like unrelated pursuits. Why do I have to accept with joy? More often than not, find myself accepting situations begrudgingly.

But just a few days ago, I met my golden flower, aptly named Joy. I’ve mentioned her before. She is our Nursery teacher. She was looking a bit troubled and asked me to sit down with her after our Prayer Meeting. We sat and as she spoke, she struggled to share what happened. But one of the first things out of her mouth was: I’ve already accepted it.

As she found the words, tears escaped and fell as her wall slowly chipped away and crumbled. She shared about a hard family situation back home in Philippines. And as she shared, I could not help but notice such sacrifice and sorrow, yet such contentment and … peaceful acceptance. It was truly well with her soul.

I also remember the time she shared about her father who passed away from cancer a few years ago. She was there and went through it all but she accepted it. And when her ex-boyfriend got married a year after they broke up, the first thing she said was that she was happy because she'd accepted it.

It wasn’t an acceptance that turns a blind eye and sweeps things under the carpet. It’s not an acceptance that is self-depreciating and says that I deserve bad things happening to me. It’s not an acceptance that takes God at face value and is afraid to question or search the depth of His validity.

Instead, it is an acceptance that knows the pain of hardship and faces the challenge responsibly. It is an acceptance that humbly acknowledges that I don’t deserve anything but I am merely shown grace with the good in my life. It is an acceptance that searches God for answers and finds assurance and overwhelming peace in the truth of His words. It means freedom in the promise and hope of the High Places in every circumstance – people, places and events may change but God is always faithful, always loving. It is a humble and care-free accpetance that brings about joy.

Now, this is the story of how Much-Afraid found her little flower, Acceptance-with-Joy.

Dream High

It's better than Glee. The best bits of drama, humour, teen issues but no disturbing Mr. Shue romances, teen pregnancy and all round awkward love affairs. I will miss Sue Sylvester though.

Ruokuo and Beilie

Ruokuo and Beilie are getting married this summer! 

Ruokuo is beautiful. In many ways. Visually stunning, exotic dark eyes and thick black hair. But she possesses one of the most quiet, humble and honest spirits I have ever known. She is sweet, unassuming and soft-spoken, yet so strong, straightforward and never colours the truth with fancy words or conceals it with self-inflation. She is the Grade 4 teacher in Life International School. She might not be the most well-trained or most-experienced teacher but she is, in my opinion, the most compassionate and Christ-centered in her teaching.

Beilie is passionate. He's an all-rounder. Assistant Pastor for our English church service, Theology professor in Life University, leader of university Christian fellowship, guitarist and singer extraordinaire and pretty good baller too. He has the same honesty that Ruokou has, with a little bit of awkward, dry humour like Valera, my favorite Kazakh friend. Like I mentioned, Beilie is passionate. Passionate about God. Passionate about people. Passionate about music. 

Together, Beilie and Ruokuo are one of the most kind and caring couples around. After many years, they are going to get married this summer in Nagaland.  It warms my heart. They're very sweet together. But unfortunately, plane ticket prices have gone up. And they might have trouble getting home this summer to tie the knot. These are some of the lives I've come across in Cambodia. People who are filled with such love and compassion for people and who are loved abundantly by God. These are real people who teach me real lessons on how to be real and honest before people and before God. 

p.s. And if you'd like to bless Ruokuo and Beilie in any way (hehehe), do let me know.

Independence Day

To my dearest roomates who teach me how to be a patriotic American,

Happy 4th of July!

Here's to country music, fireworks and stars and stripes!

Oh and happy birthday, Teacher Nathan.

Kim and Hyelee

I thank God for my dear friends, Hyelee and Kim. Together, they take turns and they take care of me. Besides God and my family, I can tell them everything. And they still love me. I love them very much. They keep me sane through long, hard weeks. They remind me through their love and lives that God is loving and faithful.

The next couple months will be hard emotionally and mentally. Bittersweet.  

Don't want to leave, can't wait to be home, afraid of going home.

And also as my time here in Cambodia nears the end (at least for now), correspondance diminishes as "Save-the-stories-for-when-you're-back" Syndrome kicks in.

Kim just told me she'll help me get through it. My heart is very warmed by that. Thank God for Kim.